Round Two, And Realizing My New Fear

Today was my second chemo treatment (14 more to go!). My sweet friend Ashley gave up her day to pick me up, drive me to the hospital, and sit in the official visitor chair next to my chemo lounge chair (sorry it’s not as comfy)! She even helped me pick up Stella from mother’s day out afterwards – good thing we have babies the same age and she had a car seat – we got there just in time. Today was almost exactly like the first time. I met with Dr. M., and she asked how I’ve felt the last two weeks. I told her my symptoms and she said I’m doing very well compared to a lot of patients! But then again – we looked around and noticed there were a LOT of older patients there – I mean oooooolder, with wheelchairs and canes. It really makes me realize how surreal this is that I’m going through cancer treatment at my age. But again, I feel lucky to be stage 1 and will do whatever it takes (however many rounds of poison!) to get me back to my healthy self again. I got my steroids, anti-nausea meds, Red Devil (Adriamycin), and Cytoxan (the second actual chemo drug)….made my appointment to get a shot tomorrow, then come back in 2 weeks, and we were outta there by 2:15! 

Most patients start losing their hair between days 10 and 14. So on days 10, 11, 12, and 13, I just pulled my hair and laughed – nothing! All there! Until yesterday (day 14)…..I started losing a few strands. They are now officially coming out when I run my fingers through my hair, 2 or 3 strands at a time – or I will look down on my shirt and see that 1 or 2 more fell out. Thank you very much Adriamycin and Cytoxan! It hasn't been a lot – but definitely enough to let me know what’s coming. I will be careful showering and blowdrying my hair, just to have a few more days of “normal,” but in the next 2-3 weeks, that will probably be it. I will call the salon where I got my wig and scarves to make my official shave-the-head appointment – or pixie cut? Who knows? But you know I will keep you updated!

Last but not least, I realized today I have a new fear. Not a fear of heights, or spiders, or anything normal. It’s a fear of not being able to repay all of the wonderful things friends and family have done for us lately. It honestly keeps me up at night now! (which defeats the purpose, I know, I promise I will try to go back to sleep) And my thank-you note list is only growing – which makes me feel guilty! But I know you all understand and will tell me not to write notes, even though you know I will – so just please know they will come one day. Today alone, I had my husband, mom, and brother e-mailing/texting/calling me all day to make sure chemo was going ok, Ashley there with me, 2 cards in the mail, cookies on my doorstep (thank you Joy!), a package in the mail this afternoon (thank you MB!), and countless friends checking on me. This weekend we have friends bringing us dinners – on the exact days I know I will feel the worst and not feel like cooking. So, as my first entry in the Journal of Gratitude I received today (thank you MB!), I want to say one more time that I am eternally grateful for all of your support – it’s what gives me the strength to fight through all of this – and I honestly look forward to recovery, just so I can put my soon-to-be-bald head to work when YOU all need something next!