Showering Counts As An Accomplishment

I’m taking a short break from working on the bridal magazine to post an update – so many of you have been so nice to reach out and ask how I’ve been doing – and how Ben's been doing – since my first chemo treatment. I have to admit, it was rougher than I expected. The actual treatment wasn’t that bad, or even the day after when I had to go back to get a shot to boost my white blood cells (which get depleted by the chemo). It was the third day that it really hit me (Saturday). The nausea and fatigue literally kept me in bed until 3:00 – and that is so not me, I hated it. If it weren’t for my wonderful husband taking care of our daughter, I don’t know how I could have gotten through that day. Or Sunday for that matter. My biggest accomplishment that day was a shower! It’s not that I was actually throwing up, just so nauseated that nothing sounded good to eat, except maybe a bite of apple to take my meds with, or a baby carrot. Pretty pathetic. And all I wanted to do was sleep, and then sleep some more. The following whole week was actually pretty bad. I’ve never found it difficult to eat, but it sure has been lately. I know what you’re thinking – what a fun problem to have – but it’s honestly stressful. To see the numbers on the scale drop nearly into the double digits makes me see how serious this disease is. Actually it’s not the disease itself, but the side effects of the treatment. Regardless, it’s scary. I’m sure a lot of people would love to lose a few pounds – but definitely not this way.

But on magical day 9 (yesterday), things finally started to look up, and I was able to function like myself again for a full day. Well, not everything is back to normal – even a glass of wine sounds terrible. (Our wine fridge is getting lonely – no one has come to visit it lately. Anyone want some pinot?!) I tried a glass last week and I thought it would help but, not really. At least I’m able to eat again – and even found that one tiny little perk of going through this nightmare is that now I get to try and actually gain weight for once! I had a great Mexican food lunch yesterday with my new friend Nicole. She is a friend of a friend of mine from TCU, and on the tail end of her battle with breast cancer. She has had so much helpful advice for me along this journey so far – and even thought to bring me her old wig and some fun scarves – so look out world, I’ll have not one, but two new hairdo’s this coming year! This week I have also met a friend of my neighbor’s, and reconnected with a sorority sister from college, who have both beaten cancer, and it has done wonders for me in terms of knowing what to expect, and knowing that my life can and will go on like normal after this is all over.

Today I felt so good that my mom (Stella’s Mimi) came over from Fort Worth, and on her way she stopped by Sabrina Gebhardt’s because our photo CD was ready! You can see a few of the photos here in this post, and also in my previous post here. I’m so grateful for her doing this photo session for us – what an honor to be chosen by such a talented photographer.

Once Mimi arrived, we all went out to lunch (Mexican food again, of course!) and then to the Arboretum. It was beautiful weather and Stella was having so much fun running across the huge fields and pointing out all the flowers – that’s a lot of flowers by the way! Then we came home for her record-long, two-hour nap. (Apparently we need to do that more often!) 

I have officially cancelled my haircut for this coming week, by the way. I decided I’m going to start scaring everyone by pulling clumps of my hair out while I talk to you – haha, that made me laugh just typing that. Actually, I’ve been told by several people who’ve been through breast cancer that sometimes you get to keep your hair much longer than day 10 or 12 (after starting chemo) – sometimes until day 14 or even 17! So – why go and cut perfectly good hair off when I can have a few more days of feeling normal? That’s right, I’m keeping it until the last minute. Take that, cancer!

That’s about all I have as far as updates. Today there are no photos from my hospital bed, images of syringes full of the Red Devil, or illustrations of how cancer spreads to lymph nodes. Just happy photos to remind us all of what life is all about. We are still eternally grateful to our friends and family who continually send cards, bring food, help with Stella, and ask how we are doing as we fight this battle. And I’m grateful that I have a few more days to feel like myself (and get some work done!) before my next round of chemo this coming Thursday. Just to be healed enough from surgery to change my baby girl’s diaper, to feel energetic enough to unload the dishes, and to be able to stay up late enough past Stella’s bedtime (that’s 7:30 pm) to work on my graphic design business are things I never would have appreciated before. But now it’s the small things that are really big things. We will get through this and come out stronger on the other side. Our perspectives have forever changed – on what’s important in life, and what’s not.

And as Hoda Kotb said (yes I love the Today Show!), “Still, the most surprising side effects of [breast] cancer is that it has given me more courage than I ever thought possible. My life after cancer is more courageous and more honest and fuller than my life before. So to the woman with cancer who is in her bed right now and feeling so sick she doesn’t want to even think about getting out of bed, I know how you’re feeling. And take it from me, I know going forward it’s going to bet getter. God gave me a second chance, and yours is about to start. Welcome to the sisterhood of breast cancer survivors. There’s not a stronger, prouder or more determined group of women out there.” Thank you Hoda!