Bye Bye BC!

Actually, make that bye bye BC, bye bye Bs, hello expander implants, and hello pain. But the worst of it is behind me!!

Yesterday was the big surgery day. I was more and more nervous as each hour went by leading up to it, but at the same time ready to get the rest of these cancer cells out of me!! I got everything ready for my mom and the babysitters to take care of Stella for the rest of the week, packed for the hospital, and set my alarm for 4:15 am. Ben drove us through the pouring rain to Presby, we arrived at 5:30, got checked in, and said hi to all the staff and nurses who we've met along this journey. It's strange to feel like such a regular at the hospital! After the nurses took my vitals, confirmed my name/birthdate and procedure (bilateral mastectomy with expander implants for reconstruction), the chaplain said a prayer, the anesthesiologist started my IV, and Ben and I took a pic and gave each other big hugs and kisses, I got my 'margarita' in my IV and was off to the OR. The last thing I remember was looking at all the giant operating room lamps overhead, and all the people in the room bustling to get ready. I felt bad that all my family and friends were going to have to sit in the waiting room worried for the next 4 hours, while I was asleep. But the next thing I knew, I was in the recovery room, with a nurse asking me to take deep breaths into this machine, which hurt so badly. My chest felt like it had been run over by a truck and crushed, so just taking a deep breath was nearly impossible. But - I was told the surgery had gone very well, with no complications, and most likely the cancer is all gone now - hallelujah!! Of course there is the chance that random cells could have slipped past the lymph nodes and traveled somewhere else in my body, which is why I'll be going through chemo, starting in about 2 weeks. But I'm willing to do whatever I have to do to fight this battle now, move forward, and hopefully not ever have to look back! I will also have to go back to the plastic surgeon several times in the upcoming months, so that he can slowly add saline through a valve in my expander implants, and bring me back to normal. That might just be the highlight of this whole process though – ha!

I then got moved to my room in the Perot building, and finally got to see my schnookems, yay! I took 3 naps yesterday - a record for me. I could barely hold my eyes open, and the nurses were having a hard time managing my nausea from all the pain meds, which weren't helping a lot either. With 2 IV's, 1 catheter, 2 drains in my chest, leg massagers to prevent blood clots, and only being able to lie flat on my back, I wasn't very comfortable, although it was just about exactly what I expected. When I finally got to see Ben, things immediately got better! He had written the sweetest note on the message board in my room and didn't complain once when I kept asking for water, pillows, and blankets.

My brother and mom were there too - and flowers started arriving! First from Ben and Kim H., who are keeping our Australian Shepherd this week - as if they hadn't done enough! And they sent flowers in the shape of a dog from Chopper too. :) Thank you to my MOPS group for the beautiful arrangement, and to Kim and Sarah who brought flowers in person. (Sorry the first thing I did was throw up! Nothing personal I promise, ha!)

I miss Stella so much, but I've gotten pictures and videos and even a balloon that says Get Well Mom. I'm so glad Ben got a chance to go home and see her for a bit last night too. She loves her "Da-eee!" Hopefully she's going to be able to come to the hospital to see me today. Even though my chest still hurts immensely, the support I'm getting from all of you, and knowing I'm winning this battle so far gives me the strength to continue fighting.

I love that Ben is staying here at the hospital with me – I know the couch/bed cannot be comfortable! And I love that my mom is at our house with Stella at night – she loves her Mimi and I think that helps keep her in a familiar routine, with her family around. Today is going to be a good day - I was told I might even get to shower! It's the little things that I'm appreciative of now. Still working on taking deep breaths - physically, and figuratively to get through this, but we seem to have my pain manageable now, and I think the worst is behind me. I have so much to live for and I'm determined to do just that. I've said this before and I'll say it again – please be aware of your body and get regular mammograms – if this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone! If I can prevent just one person from going through this nightmare, it will be worth telling my story a hundred times (now I know y’all don't want to hear this a hundred times so just go get checked out now!)